When it feels like it isn't paying off

The Conquest of Jericho

I find it noteworthy that when God gave the city of Jericho to Israel, the first time they marched around the city, NOTHING happened.  Nothing.  The same with day 2-6.  The first 6 days, nothing happened.  There was no progress.  There was nothing measureable to encourage the people’s faith. Further, on the 7^th day, when they had to march around the city a total of 7 times, the first 6 trips again, produced no results.  They actually had to march 12 times and saw NOTHING happen. 

I have to say that typically, once I’ve persevered or pushed through something just a few times, I pretty much feel worn out.  Even when I am certain of God’s calling, I still find myself doubting pretty quickly. 12 is not a magic number of attempts or times to persevere, but a reminder that God does what He says He will do.  If He says He is giving a city into your hands, He will do that. Even if obedience yields no results and feels like it isn’t “paying off”.  Even if it feels like maybe we misunderstood, we can still trust Him to be faithful and come through.

By the way, at the end of that 7^th trip around the city on the 7^th day, the walls were demolished.  The city was given to Israel just the way God said it would be.  It’s probably safe to say that Israel learned to trust God that day, or at the very least, they were reminded.

I don’t know what’s in your life right now that has you feeling like all your hard work is not paying off, or feels like chaos, or feels hopeless, but may I remind you, that if you are obedient, and if you will keep pursuing & fighting, God will not return His Word void.  He never has and He won’t today.  God will do what He said He would do.  We can trust that.

Choose Life in order that you may Live

I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.   So choose life in order that you may live – by loving the Lord your God, by obeying his voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers.   Duet 30:19-20 

So choose life…
In order that I may live… 
I have a choice to make.   I have a seemingly easy choice to make – of course, I choose life!   But in the day-to-day of parenting, cleaning, cooking, coaching, loving, etc… too often, it doesn’t feel much like the blessing, and as for the living…yea, but barely.    I often feel overwhelmed, no matter how much I get done.   I often feel unappreciated, no matter how much of myself I give.   I often feel angry that my expectations aren’t met, and I often feel completely drained and alone.   Too many days, this life feels less like the blessing and more like the curse.   So what about choosing life…in order that I may live? 

I find myself at the end of most days physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausted.   I get a lot done – in fact, I pride myself with the fact that I don’t know anyone else who works as hard as I do (not sure if it’s true, but it sure helps me).   And the truth is, it’s difficult not to work hard when there is a lot to get done…and there is always a lot to get done.   So how do I get everything done that needs to be done without draining myself?     How do I choose life, and really live? 

I started reading a book, subtitled “A dare to live fully right where you are” and through this, I am learning to live…really live…fully.   I am learning to slow down – not to be in a hurry – because when I hurry, I lose what I love most…the people, the relationships.   I am learning to be thankful – not generally thankful for a blessed life – but intentionally, specifically thankful for everything - individually…snowflakes, grown-up conversations, sleeping in, Mexican food.   Being thankful for the gifts God has given me – all of them, even the ugly ones, like getting my feelings hurt and the strong will of my child that causes me to question every good motherly instinct – because these are gifts too…a reminder that I love enough to feel pain…a character trait I want my child to have as an adult. 

As I slow down and pay attention to people, and look for gifts, it changes me.   It takes the focus off of me and what I don’t have.   It reminds me how much God loves me.   It causes me to live in the now, fully – to embrace the moment I’m in instead of always striving & planning for what’s coming next.   It reminds me that all I have is a gift from God, no matter how much credit I want to give myself.   When my focus changes, my heart can change.   When I slow down, my soul can find rest.   When I trust God, trust that He’s got this, I can be okay if I don’t get it all done.   When I choose to obey – when I choose to behave the way Christ has instructed me to – when I love God with all I have – when I choose…when I choose life…I live – fully. 

I still have to get things done.   So I still work hard when it’s time to work hard.   But I don’t work so hard that I can’t see the gifts that surround me, and not so hard that I can’t be interrupted.   We still have to get places on time, but if we are late, it is not the end of the world (even if it feels that way) – usually a simple & authentic apology will suffice here.   I don’t want my kids to grow up and say of me:   she was ok…she kept us fed and the house clean and our laundry done, but she was always in hurry, yelled a lot, and didn’t take that much time to pay attention to us.   

I want my family & friends to know that they are important enough to me for me to stop and pay attention to them…FULL attention.   Sometimes this means I have to plan my time better – spend less time watching tv or reading facebook, or put my phone down.   Sometimes this means that things just don’t get done – and that’s ok…it’s hard for me, but it’s ok. 

If I am going to live in the blessing – if I am going to live a life full of joy, then I must CHOOSE life. I have to be intentional about my time and my actions.   I have to choose to pay attention.   I must choose to live in the moment.   I can choose.   I will choose.   I will choose the blessing, I will choose life – my life depends on it.