Monday, January 27, 2014

Choose Life in order that you may Live

I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.   So choose life in order that you may live – by loving the Lord your God, by obeying his voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers.   Duet 30:19-20 

So choose life…

In order that I may live… 
I have a choice to make.   I have a seemingly easy choice to make – of course, I choose life!   But in the day-to-day of parenting, cleaning, cooking, coaching, loving, etc… too often, it doesn’t feel much like the blessing, and as for the living…yea, but barely.    I often feel overwhelmed, no matter how much I get done.   I often feel unappreciated, no matter how much of myself I give.   I often feel angry that my expectations aren’t met, and I often feel completely drained and alone.   Too many days, this life feels less like the blessing and more like the curse.   So what about choosing life…in order that I may live? 

I find myself at the end of most days physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausted.   I get a lot done – in fact, I pride myself with the fact that I don’t know anyone else who works as hard as I do (not sure if it’s true, but it sure helps me).   And the truth is, it’s difficult not to work hard when there is a lot to get done…and there is always a lot to get done.   So how do I get everything done that needs to be done without draining myself?     How do I choose life, and really live? 

I started reading a book, subtitled “A dare to live fully right where you are” and through this, I am learning to live…really live…fully.   I am learning to slow down – not to be in a hurry – because when I hurry, I lose what I love most…the people, the relationships.   I am learning to be thankful – not generally thankful for a blessed life – but intentionally, specifically thankful for everything - individually…snowflakes, grown-up conversations, sleeping in, Mexican food.   Being thankful for the gifts God has given me – all of them, even the ugly ones, like getting my feelings hurt and the strong will of my child that causes me to question every good motherly instinct – because these are gifts too…a reminder that I love enough to feel pain…a character trait I want my child to have as an adult. 

As I slow down and pay attention to people, and look for gifts, it changes me.   It takes the focus off of me and what I don’t have.   It reminds me how much God loves me.   It causes me to live in the now, fully – to embrace the moment I’m in instead of always striving & planning for what’s coming next.   It reminds me that all I have is a gift from God, no matter how much credit I want to give myself.   When my focus changes, my heart can change.   When I slow down, my soul can find rest.   When I trust God, trust that He’s got this, I can be okay if I don’t get it all done.   When I choose to obey – when I choose to behave the way Christ has instructed me to – when I love God with all I have – when I choose…when I choose life…I live – fully. 

I still have to get things done.   So I still work hard when it’s time to work hard.   But I don’t work so hard that I can’t see the gifts that surround me, and not so hard that I can’t be interrupted.   We still have to get places on time, but if we are late, it is not the end of the world (even if it feels that way) – usually a simple & authentic apology will suffice here.   I don’t want my kids to grow up and say of me:   she was ok…she kept us fed and the house clean and our laundry done, but she was always in hurry, yelled a lot, and didn’t take that much time to pay attention to us.   

I want my family & friends to know that they are important enough to me for me to stop and pay attention to them…FULL attention.   Sometimes this means I have to plan my time better – spend less time watching tv or reading facebook, or put my phone down.   Sometimes this means that things just don’t get done – and that’s ok…it’s hard for me, but it’s ok. 

If I am going to live in the blessing – if I am going to live a life full of joy, then I must CHOOSE life. I have to be intentional about my time and my actions.   I have to choose to pay attention.   I must choose to live in the moment.   I can choose.   I will choose.   I will choose the blessing, I will choose life – my life depends on it. 

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