So choose life…
In order that I may live…
I have a choice to make. I have a seemingly easy choice to make – of course, I choose life! But in the day-to-day of parenting, cleaning, cooking, coaching, loving, etc… too often, it doesn’t feel much like the blessing, and as for the living…yea, but barely. I often feel overwhelmed, no matter how much I get done. I often feel unappreciated, no matter how much of myself I give. I often feel angry that my expectations aren’t met, and I often feel completely drained and alone. Too many days, this life feels less like the blessing and more like the curse. So what about choosing life…in order that I may live?
I find myself at the end of most days physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausted. I get a lot done – in fact, I pride myself with the fact that I don’t know anyone else who works as hard as I do (not sure if it’s true, but it sure helps me). And the truth is, it’s difficult not to work hard when there is a lot to get done…and there is always a lot to get done. So how do I get everything done that needs to be done without draining myself? How do I choose life, and really live?
I started reading a book, subtitled “A dare to live fully right where you are” and through this, I am learning to live…really live…fully. I am learning to slow down – not to be in a hurry – because when I hurry, I lose what I love most…the people, the relationships. I am learning to be thankful – not generally thankful for a blessed life – but intentionally, specifically thankful for everything - individually…snowflakes, grown-up conversations, sleeping in, Mexican food. Being thankful for the gifts God has given me – all of them, even the ugly ones, like getting my feelings hurt and the strong will of my child that causes me to question every good motherly instinct – because these are gifts too…a reminder that I love enough to feel pain…a character trait I want my child to have as an adult.
As I slow down and pay attention to people, and look for gifts, it changes me. It takes the focus off of me and what I don’t have. It reminds me how much God loves me. It causes me to live in the now, fully – to embrace the moment I’m in instead of always striving & planning for what’s coming next. It reminds me that all I have is a gift from God, no matter how much credit I want to give myself. When my focus changes, my heart can change. When I slow down, my soul can find rest. When I trust God, trust that He’s got this, I can be okay if I don’t get it all done. When I choose to obey – when I choose to behave the way Christ has instructed me to – when I love God with all I have – when I choose…when I choose life…I live – fully.
I still have to get things done. So I still work hard when it’s time to work hard. But I don’t work so hard that I can’t see the gifts that surround me, and not so hard that I can’t be interrupted. We still have to get places on time, but if we are late, it is not the end of the world (even if it feels that way) – usually a simple & authentic apology will suffice here. I don’t want my kids to grow up and say of me: she was ok…she kept us fed and the house clean and our laundry done, but she was always in hurry, yelled a lot, and didn’t take that much time to pay attention to us.
I want my family & friends to know that they are important enough to me for me to stop and pay attention to them…FULL attention. Sometimes this means I have to plan my time better – spend less time watching tv or reading facebook, or put my phone down. Sometimes this means that things just don’t get done – and that’s ok…it’s hard for me, but it’s ok.
If I am going to live in the blessing – if I am going to live a life full of joy, then I must CHOOSE life. I have to be intentional about my time and my actions. I have to choose to pay attention. I must choose to live in the moment. I can choose. I will choose. I will choose the blessing, I will choose life – my life depends on it.
